"Fuck money," said Ronald as he ascended the stairs, "it's fucking meaningless. A facade we keep for the poor. Once you reach a certain level of class, you discover the true universal currency. One written in the cosmos."
Grimace didn't know what to think. On one hand he was excited; it had been so long since he and Ronald got to hang out. Once the rest of Mcdonaldland were fired from the commercial game Ronald just kept getting bigger and bigger. Grimace never blamed Ronald for this; he was happy for him. But he could sense somthing was awry. His friend had changed. They both approached the metal doors.
"There's not a lot to go around, and plus the average joe just wouldn't understand. I hope you recognize how incredibly lucky you are for what's about to happen. You're about to be neck deep in history's best kept secret."
Once inside Grimace smelt incense. The room was dark, the only light source being a couple dozen candles. On the walls were rows of symbology he had never seen and could not comprehend. Depicitions of acts so depraved Grimace assumed a scowl. Sex and violence were shown as one of the same. Both acts of pleasure. Grimace fell ill.
"Excuse me, Ronny, but I gotta go. I don't feel so well..."
"Oh believe me, what you are about to partake in will heal your woes. There is no medicine more powerful. No substance more pure..."
Grimace looked down to see Ronald's throbbing, erect member, and immediately looked up to see his titillated face.
"You...you see these images on the wall?" Ronald could barely get his words out, already on the edge of orgasm, "these aren't just acts of hedonism. These...while oh so pleasurable-GAH-serve a much greater purpose."
"What the fuck are talking about Ronald?" Grimace could barely hide his disgust anymore.
"Look here!" Ronald pointed to the image directly above him, depicting a man sodomizing a child while ritually cutting at his chest. "The blood of a child, specifically one that's young and gone through great trauma, does wonders to the body and soul."
Grimace was on the verge of tears. I gotta get the FUCK out of here and NOW. He thought. But just as he got up to leave, two more familiar characters entered the room and he was flabbergasted.
"Well looky here! The party's arrived!" exclaimed Ronald, "Now Grimace I know you know the Hamburglar.."
"THE HAMBURGLAR?? THE FUCKING HAMBURGLAR?? Ronald, this isn't you! He isn't our friend, he's an evil scumfuck!"
"The world isn't as black and white as you think, " retorted Ronald, "now where was I...oh yeah...and here's Dr. Oz. You probably don't know him...he's a celeb..but he's the best at extracting...well..."
What? thought Grimace Kiddie balls?
"I'm the pineal gland guy!" exclaimed Dr. Oz. "Which is, I'm assuming, you're treat this evening?"
"I do NOT want any part of this. Ronald, I'm leaving..."
Just as fast as he said that the Hamburglar came out of nowhere carrying a Fry Kid. He was placed, screaming, in the center of the table, and the group swarmed it like vultures, each armed with brilliant quips like, "if the purple pussy won't do it, I'll penetrate the ass." and "The purple freak doesn't want a pink slime facefuck? I guess more for me..."
As they all came in their individual holes, Oz got out the scissors and snipped right through the poor fuckers skull. He pulled out a grimey piece of meat. Ronald took it and forced it down Grimace's throat..
At that moment Grimace came face to face with god. He fell through his heavely light, and awoke suddenly. He was in the same room, but now there was light, and the perverse images of before were replaced with those of patriotism and bravery.
"What is your first order of business, Mr. President?"